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Some days I find this all tiring and a little more than my heart can bear. I am watching Voldy suffer under some wasting disease that nothing I have done has stopped its progression. He still eats and is eager for treats, he seems alert some days and others its all he can do to lift his head. It is things like this that leave me feeling broken somehow. All the money and vet care has done nothing….he still seems to be slipping away.

The rats smile at me in their knowing way and that glint in their eyes a secret yet to be told.

Loving rats is an exercise is masochism, dont ever fool yourself to believe anything else. The joy, that elation when you see a rat once afraid and wary, look at you and then show love and trust, no amount of grief is to great a price to pay for those moments.

I know so much about them, the care they need and yet its still running blindly through the woods.

I will watch and wait, look for a signal, some sign that Voldy is ready to go. I just cringe knowing the day is likely not very far off

Time moves along and we are dragged with it. Like it or not change happens. The last of my Fraggles has gone on to the bridge, I am heartbroken.

I have watched the colony change slightly everyday, always moving along and becoming something better in many ways.

There have been sweet and loving rats, those that preferred solitude and a mix of everything in between. I have been blessed to know some amazing animals and to be loved by them for the kindness and care I gave them. They taught me so much about life, love and the acceptance of death, no matter how much it sucks.

The Fragglerats changed me, made me kinder and stronger. I have known happiness and deep heartbreak, it makes me grateful to feel such emotion.

Chnage is something we cannot avoid, something we have to endure and hopefully come out better for it. Rats could teach the world so much, the most important thing being that no matter how small or insignificant something may seem….pay attention you could learn a valuable lesson.

Thank you Fraggles for having been part of my life and always in my heart!

It has been a while, far too long really. We lost Fes over the cold of winter and my heart just ached far too much to give him the page he deserved. He is waiting in a permanent freeze now for when he and many of his family members will find a final rest in cremation. I have found that family groups are easier for me to let go of this way.

The warm weather will soon be here, that means busier rats and far more to do. Arden, our pretty pink princess arrived in the cold. She is a lovely naked girl, blind, but so very able. It is nice to see a female in the midst of all those boys. She runs the cage with an iron paw.

We have also welcomed a sphynx cat named Zee. He is just under 6 months old and sweet as pie, good times ahead!

The ratties and I are unfolding from our long winter naps. It is time to welcome the warmth and brightness again.

The fragile nature of these little animals is the huge wound left on the heart when one has to go to the bridge all to soon.

Caleb was a tiny naked boy–underweight and fighting massive infections from abcesses left to fester in his original home. He came into my life by way of HVRR and Kaia’s tender care. He had a couple removed and we thought things were looking up for him. He had started putting weight back on and was giving out kisses, happily slopping his cereal all over the place.

Sunday, a massive abcess close to the original surgical site had him at the e-vet and undergoing surgery. It was a long shot, but I never count the under dog out… never. Yesterday morning I found the wound leaking and swelling–straining the sutures. His regular vet was not hopeful for a recovery, even fearful he might lose the leg.

I let him get his wings, helped him out of a body that had fought too long already and had nowhere else to go in order to help him heal. I am sad, hurt and very angry. A simple course of antibiotics and a different cage from his bullies could have made all the difference in the beginning. He paid the ultimate price for that ignorance.

Rest easy little boy, Mommy loves you. I know you tried and for that you will hold a special place in my heart.

I love you Caleb!

Sometimes a song just makes me think of times in life. They are things, people and places gone on. I find that I still miss Bottoms and she has been gone for a long time, gone too soon. Music ties me to moments and I feel my heart swell with love, all of the emotion that these little fur people push off.
So the following song is a favorite from a while back and everytime I hear it, I feel that familiar pull of what I miss, what I lost, what I will always love.

Anna Begins
by Counting Crows

My friend assures me its all or nothing
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me for one time only,
Make an exception. I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried - I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions
Oh, she says, were changing.
But were always changing
It does not bother me to say this isnt love
Because if you dont want to talk about it then it isnt love
And I guess Im going to have to live that
But, Im sure theres something in a shade of gray
Or something in between
And I can always change my name if thats what you mean
My friend assures me its all or nothing`
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell your self the things you try tell your self to make
Yourself forget
To make your self forget
I am not worried
If its love she said, then were gonna have to think about the
Consequences
She cant stop shaking and I can t stop touching her and…..
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and anna begins to change her mind
These seconds when Im shaking leave me shuddering
For days she says.
And Im not ready for this sort of thing
But Im not gonna break
And Im not going to worry about it anymore
Im not gonna bend. and Im not gonna break and
Im not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say as long as this is love…
But its not all that easy so maybe I should just
Snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
Ive done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I dont get no sleep in a quiet room and…
The time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and anna begins change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe its love
And oh lord…. Im not ready for this sort of thing
She s talking in her sleep-it s keeping me awake
And anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand it and
Oh lord. I m not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
Its moving me along and anna begins to fade away
It s chasing me away. she dissappears, and oh lord Im not ready for this sort of thing